I tend to enjoy minor league baseball more than big league games because it seems like more entertainment for less money. We’re fortunate to have a very minor league team right here in our town that has some pretty good promotions on occasion.

One promotion that I think they might need to work on is the one where during each home game, a “lucky” fan can be selected to spend the entire game hanging from the right field fence wrapped in a Velcro suit and staring directly into the sun for the duration of the game. If this lucky person happens to catch a home run ball, they get a free fireworks show to be held at their home.

Nothing against a free fireworks show but I think going through all that crap is worth more than a chance to piss off your neighbors by shelling the skies above their homes with ordnance. If the prize were $1million, I’d still have to think long and hard about whether or not to subject myself to heat-hanging in right field for three and a half hours in a black Velcro suit.

I think the deal should be that if you hang on that wall for the entire game without complaining, neither federal, state nor local laws should apply to you for 48 hours. Give that person a chance to do whatever they want for 48 hours with no legal consequences? Now we’re talkin’. Sign me up! Otherwise, good luck finding suckers to take you up on that deal. On second thought, there are a lot of hillbillies around here and hillbillies love fireworks and explosions so maybe they know what they’re doing after all?