Monthly Archives: August 2017

I Don’t Know, I Just Think That Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts Would Make A Handsome Couple

I feel validated. I have not been proud to admit that somewhere in my top 25 favorite movies list is the romantic comedy Notting Hill (it’s really the only romantic comedy to make the list). Today, while shopping for Science … Continue reading

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I’m Not Always A Jerk, But Sometimes I Am.

On the first of two flights today, the conversation that everyone within four rows was forced to hear was between a twenty-something, go-getter woman who has yet to figure out that putting too much of yourself into corporate America will … Continue reading

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Where Are They Now?

I’m going to put on some ripped jeans, take my shirt off and walk into the Abercrombie store at the mall today (if I can bring myself to get through that impenetrable cologne barrier they spray around the entrance – … Continue reading

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My Super Power? I’m Able To Secrete Nearly Three Gallons of Sweat Just By Standing In Line At The Airport Security Checkpoint. What Can You Do?

For as many flights as I’ve taken in the post-9/11 era, one might think that I’d be relatively comfortable with the TSA (which incidentally stands for Touching Scrotums Assiduously) process. You’d be wrong though. My process usually begins with packing … Continue reading

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A Filthy Expression

  I just took Our dog to the vet for his shots and a routine “juicing” of his anus. The receipt showed $30 for “anal expression”. I wanted to say, “What kind of $30 expression did his anus make because … Continue reading

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You Say Menards, I Say Mynads

I think we’re supposed to be getting one of those Menards hardware stores near us. This makes me anxious – but not in a good way. Some of you hate the word “moist” and others of you cringe at the … Continue reading

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“Don’t Worry, I’m Not Contagious,” Says The Contagious Lady All Up In My Grill.

The boys and I went to get haircuts this evening and I got stuck with the beauty operator who is, in my opinion, the least skilled of the 10 or so employees on the payroll. She’s not horrible but I … Continue reading

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