Monthly Archives: February 2016
I Know A Guy Who…
You know how when you meet someone for the first time then you realize you both have a mutual acquaintance then the guy tells you a fact or quick anecdote about your mutual acquaintance? One time that situation occurred when … Continue reading
Almost Pepper-Sprayed: The Unintentional Breach of Privacy
After traipsing through the giant Minneapolis St. Paul airport, I arrived at my gate with a half hour to spare. I noticed that my phone charge was running low so I sought an empty seat near a charging station. … Continue reading
Plane Talk
The very kind older lady sitting next to me hasn’t quite picked up on the international signal I’m putting out by continuously trying to engage me in pleasant conversation despite the fact that I’m wearing noticeably large noise canceling headphones. … Continue reading
Good Pilots Don’t Have Bad Haircuts
I’m nervous because the guy sitting near me is dressed in a pilot uniform and has a horribly botched hair cut. It looks like a Little House on the Prairie cut where he grabbed fistfuls of it and sawed it … Continue reading
Come On, Fat Boy, Just Bust A Move
I finally acted upon the thought I’ve had for months about changing the alarm clock music in my iPhone. For months, I’ve been awakened by the sound of Counting Crows’ remake of The Ballad of El Goodo. While its a … Continue reading
Basketball and Frank: Two Great Flavors That Taste Weird Together
Not too long ago, I was in the cul-de-sac near my home playing NBA-like defense against my neighbor when somehow my getaway sticks tangled and I hit the ground like a meteor. I tore holes in my new flannel-lined jeans … Continue reading
Travel Tip: Accidental Crop Dusting Prevention
Travel Tip: if you’re sitting in the front of an airplane and you walk to the back of it to use the restroom and you decide to fart in there, make sure you shake that fart all the way out … Continue reading
Practical Uses For Meat Tenderizer
Did you know that if you put meat tenderizer on the food of a dog who likes to eat his own poop, the dog won’t eat his own poop anymore because it just doesn’t taste right? Think about that for … Continue reading
Lose Weight (And Increase Your Chances of Shitting Yourself) With Alli Weight Loss Pills
An evening of dealing with my own wily bowels brought on by excessive sugar alcohol consumption (a harrowing tale in its own right) reminded me that someone told me that Alli, the weight loss product, warns those taking the product … Continue reading
My 99th Post. You’d Think I’d Be Exhausted By Now…But You’d Be Wrong.
I just stumbled across an old Facebook post that paints a real picture of the way pretentious, chauvinistic, metrosexual “men” bring me to the edge of violence when I’m dining alone at ritzy steakhouse bars in Midwestern cities. See for … Continue reading
Let Me Be Frank With You 