Monthly Archives: June 2016
Cinco de I’m An Idiot
I entered an elevator with a man who appeared to me to be Latino. I was closer to the buttons than he so I asked him which floor he’d like me to select? He said what I thought was ‘cinco’ … Continue reading
This Little Piggy Received A Compound Fracture…
Heading southbound on the freeway recently, I was reminded that many women riding shotgun in vans and/or SUV’s bake their hooves on the dashboard. Whenever I see this, I think to myself, 1) does she realize she’s going to dislocate … Continue reading
It’s Harder To Sexually Assault Me When My Eyes Burn
I wonder if most people who carry pepper spray ever think of out-of-the-box ways of using it during a personal attack? I don’t carry pepper spray but if I did, I believe that I would spray myself in the eyes … Continue reading
TSA Training Need in Newark: More Patience and Understanding For Our Foreign Friends
I was behind a non-English speaking Asian lady at the TSA checkpoint this morning who had a plastic grocery bag full of snacks and a half-empty liter of water in preparation for a long day of travel. The TSA agent … Continue reading
Large Head, Lots of Soup and a Plan
It’s not the fact that the giant transgender person (probably 6-6″ 300lbs) next to me on the plane is wearing a skirt so tight that her testicles are clearly visible in my peripheral vision, the more interesting thing about her … Continue reading
Confession, Prayer and Oil Change – 10 Minutes Or Less
I just watched another customer at the oil change place have a conversation with his oil change guy where the conversation went very personal to include the oil change guy telling the customer that he’s in the process of rebuilding … Continue reading
Beware of This Guy’s Weird Bubble Wand
I took my dog to the vet today for his annual check up. The thing that sticks with me is the part where they took a stool sample. You know, that’s the part where they stick that bubble wand up … Continue reading
Be Thankful For Firemen (And Equally Thankful That I’m Not One of Them)
We had a “3 alarm” fire here in town yesterday. It seemed that every fire truck within a 30-mile radius showed up to get a piece of the action. Putting myself in the shoes of the firemen who work in … Continue reading
The Minor Leagues and Their Major Promotions
I tend to enjoy minor league baseball more than big league games because it seems like more entertainment for less money. We’re fortunate to have a minor league team right here in town that has some pretty good promotions on … Continue reading
Let Me Be Frank With You 