Parked in front of my hotel are three cars next to a sign that says “The Waldorf Astoria Driving Experience.” There’s a Porsche, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini. Naturally, I approach the front desk to see what a guy needs to do to take one for a spin. The front desk directed me to a little German lady (not unlike Dr. Ruth) who happily explained to me that “the experience” involves driving each car at 60 mile intervals around a course with twisting roads and deserted straightaways for $999.

As I politely thanked her and walked away and I thought to myself in my best Chris Rock SNL skit accent, “$999 to drive a car for a few hours!!!??? Good LAWD!!! How ’bout lettin’ me peel out in the parking lot for 99 cent?”