For many years now I have found myself driving at night in unfamiliar places listening to the radio – it comes with the job. Each time that the Delilah Show comes on, I can’t bring myself to change the channel. It should be noted that I don’t really like this about myself but that’s the way it is.

For those of you who may not be familiar with the premise of the Delilah Show, she’s an overly silk-voiced DJ who takes calls from the broken-hearted, jilted lovers, recovering addicts and other emotional black holes to pretend that she cares about their respective problems after they pour their hearts out to her on her nationally syndicated radio show. Her solution to each problem? Play a song. Dedicate it to the caller or to the subject of the caller’s source of pain to make things all better.

I get wrapped up in listening to all the tales of woe and frequently wonder (sometimes aloud in the solitude of my rental vehicle) if the caller might better their situations by taking some sort of action rather than starting a pity party for themselves on a nighttime radio show?

But the one thing that bothers me more than anything and gets me really fired-up is when the caller finishes the story and then asks Delilah if she might play a song that would capture the essence of the situation. “WHY WOULDN’T YOU PICK YOUR OWN SONG!”, I’ll sometimes scream at the top of my lungs. If you’re going to call a radio show to carry on like that, shouldn’t you at least come prepared? Maybe you’re in your current predicament because you can’t master such menial tasks such as making such trivial decisions for yourself? Then I start to think whether or not it’s healthy for me to have these thoughts? Then I think whether or not I should continue listening to Delilah and how I could probably advance my station in life if I could take the times like these spent over-analyzing relatively trivial things and put the effort towards more worthy pursuits?

I often come to the conclusion that I should explain all of this ad nauseam to Delilah by calling into her show and then requesting Overkill by Men At Work.