It is my belief that one of the perks of getting old are having your bruises get really big and purple and horrible looking when they really don’t hurt that bad.

I just saw an ad on TV for something called Purpurex which aims to rid the bruise of its magnificent purple hue. As for me, my living will is going to include a clause about not treating my purple bruises. This purple bruise of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.