Stink Bugs: Emasculating Otherwise Strong Men Since The Beginning Of Time


I just identified and murdered my first stink bug here in the previously-thought-safe-and-bug-free confines of my home.

As I bent down to sneak-attack it from behind with the wadded up piece of toilet paper that I used as an instrument of execution, a wave of terror and its accompanying cold sweat washed over me. “What if this prehistoric-looking-trilobite thing sees me, can sense my plan and then takes a defensive position of flying right up into my eyeball where he latches on and then releases some of that mysterious stink bug juice into my eye? What then?”

I faced my worst-case-scenario fears, proceeded with my attack and experienced that phenomenon again where I’m worked up and make weird, involuntary noises as I scurried to the bathroom (wiggling around from a serious case of the willies) and flushed that vile beast down the toilet.

In this story of man vs. nature, I’m happy to report that man was victorious. However, this event has caused new ‘man vs. himself’ conflict with the winner yet to be determined.


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