I tend to enjoy minor league baseball more than big league games because it seems like more entertainment for less money. We’re fortunate to have a minor league team right here in town that has some pretty good promotions on occasion.

One promotion that I think they might need to work on though is the one where during each home game, a “lucky” fan is selected to spend the entire game hanging from the right field fence wrapped in a black Velcro suit and staring directly into the sun for the duration of the game. If this lucky person happens to catch a home run ball, they get a free fireworks show to be held at their home.

I’m not opposed to a free fireworks show but I think going through all that crap is worth more than a chance to piss off your neighbors by shelling the skies above their homes with explosives. If the prize were $1million, I’d still have to think long and hard about whether or not to subject myself to a nine inning heat-hanging in right field for three and a half hours in a black Velcro suit.

I think the deal should be that if you hang on that wall for the entire game without complaining, neither federal, state nor local laws should apply to you for 48 hours. Give that person Go-Pro camera and a live stream website to document their 48 hours of no legal consequences? Now we’re talkin’. Sign me up! Otherwise, good luck finding suckers to take you up on that deal.

On second thought, there are a lot of hillbillies around here and hillbillies love fireworks and explosions so maybe they know what they’re doing to bring in hordes of local fans after all?