Author Archives: fncoffee
When We Assume, We Make An Ass Out of John From Arkansas
In a very unorthodox move at the hotel last night, a man named John from Arkansas surprised us by joining the small table shared by me and a colleague at the manager’s reception at Embassy Suites despite the fact that … Continue reading
Partial List of Travel-Related Things I Never Hope To Say:
1) “You know, spending the week at a Motel 6 isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.” 2) “The flotation device around my neck sure makes it a tight squeeze through this airplane’s emergency exit.” 3) “January … Continue reading
The Show-Off Pageant Mom
The “pageant mom” of a little girl who looks to be about 4 years old is sitting here at the gate barking out pageant commands to her little girl who has been deeply spray-tanned and painted up with makeup. It’s … Continue reading
The ‘Wow!’ Factor
When someone starts a written sentence with “Wow!”, I really brace myself for the shocking subject that I will soon read about. If I read a story worthy of starting with ‘Wow’ and it doesn’t turn out to be shocking, … Continue reading
Might As Well Face It, I’m Addicted To Blintz
If a hotel wants to keep me happy, then it must never make blintzes with an exotic pineapple/pink grapefruit sauce-drizzle available to me one morning but not the next. I feel that you either need to make those blintzes available … Continue reading
Christmas Movie Idea
I think that a good idea for a Christmas movie would be to have this grumpy guy who is REALLY busy with work and hates Christmas have something happen to him that shows him that the Christmas spirit is alive … Continue reading
Barbershop Blabbermouth
During a recent trip to Big League Cuts for my every-six-weeks haircut, a chatterbox of a man was getting his wig busted (an awesome phrase meaning ‘haircut’ that I picked up somewhere) across the aisle from me. As is usual, … Continue reading
Phoenix, Arizona: Nowhere Near Winslow, Arizona
Imagine my surprise and subsequent disappointment when I figured out while in Phoenix that my travels would not take me anywhere close to Winslow, Arizona, where I had plans to stand on a corner until such time that a girl, … Continue reading
the Waldorf Astoria Diving Experience
Parked in front of my hotel are three cars next to a sign that says “The Waldorf Astoria Driving Experience.” There’s a Porsche, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini. Naturally, I approach the front desk to see what a guy needs … Continue reading
How To Hold Your Forking Fork
On various occasions in my adult life, I’ve met a handful of fine people who I’ve initially held in the highest regard. They’ve been smart, funny, refined, witty and/or charismatic but something that might seem relatively minor to most happens … Continue reading
Let Me Be Frank With You 