Author Archives: fncoffee

The Death of My Crepe Paper Suit Pants

I’m a little neurotic about throwing away a pair of suit pants but believe it is finally time to lay my 15 year old pair of black pinstripe suit pants to rest. One belt loop is held on with a … Continue reading

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Crackers

I once heard a comedian tell a joke about watching Duck Dynasty/Swamp People or one of those similar shows. He said he liked to sit in front of the TV and eat a sleeve of crackers while watching a show … Continue reading

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Adele is in the house(party)!

I have nothing against Adele. In fact, I would even go as far as to call her the Francis Scott Key of depressed English speaking women everywhere (because she writes their anthems), but I’d bet money that if you invited … Continue reading

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Oh No, She Dih-Ent

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” –Mariah Carey

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The Terrorists Will Never Win

The terrorists will never win. (Unless, of course, we’re playing any of the following games: 1) Whose Armpits Smell Worse? 2) Who Can Fall Asleep First on the Floor of This Cave? 3) My Dental Hygiene is Way Worse Than … Continue reading

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The Live Nativity

This makes me laugh.

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The Midget Stripper of Ft. Wayne

I took this picture a while back while pumping gas at a gas station next to a strip club in Ft. Wayne. Still trying to figure out what the New Year’s Eve Midget must have looked like. When you think … Continue reading

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Neil Young, the hurdy gurdy and the Hare Krishna Tabernacle Choir

I rarely pay attention to background music in stores/hotel lobbies/etc. but recently heard the worst song EVER in that category while eating alone in a restaurant. I’d never heard the song before and it’s hard to describe, but it sounded … Continue reading

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Save the neck for me, Clark

He who hasn’t hung a turkey neck from the fly of their pants and paraded around the Thanksgiving festivities yelling “Yo! Check this out!” cast the first stone.

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The Unapologetic Grudge Holder

I just saw some guy I knew in high school show up on the People You May Know part of Facebook. It wasn’t a bully-type thing and nothing really bad ever happened to start a feud, but we just always … Continue reading

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