Author Archives: fncoffee

For as many flights as I’ve taken in the post-9/11 era, one might think that I’d be relatively comfortable with the TSA (which incidentally stands for Touching Scrotums Assiduously) process. You’d be wrong though. My process usually begins with packing … Continue reading →

  I just took Our dog to the vet for his shots and a routine “juicing” of his anus. The receipt showed $30 for “anal expression”. I wanted to say, “What kind of $30 expression did his anus make because … Continue reading →

I think we’re supposed to be getting one of those Menards hardware stores near us. This makes me anxious – but not in a good way. Some of you hate the word “moist” and others of you cringe at the … Continue reading →

The boys and I went to get haircuts this evening and I got stuck with the beauty operator who is, in my opinion, the least skilled of the 10 or so employees on the payroll. She’s not horrible but I … Continue reading →

I don’t mean to sound like an alarmist, but do we have a disaster plan in place for how to safely evacuate the legions of people who plan to stare at the sun with a pair of $4 paper sunglasses … Continue reading →

Steve Martin joked that he’d like to hire the person who is in charge of PR for the eclipse. If they weren’t available, I think the next best person might be the PR person for Yeti coolers. I don’t have … Continue reading →

Sitting in the gate area across from a thin man of approximately 50 years of age wearing a blazer and sporting that Michael McDonald-esque silvery feather cut. Resting upon his nose, were a pair of plastic black glasses that looked … Continue reading →

It has been a while since I’ve given Delta Airlines a chance to serve me a cup of coffee. Since that time, they’ve converted to the exclusive use of Starbucks – a coffee that I’m familiar with and tend to … Continue reading →

It was a chilly day in the Florida Panhandle, but for some reason, that didn’t stop me from throwing on a sweatshirt and shorts then hopping on my motorcycle for a ride to visit one of my friends and his … Continue reading →

Earlier this evening as I sat at a traffic light initially minding my own business, I casually looked over to see what was going on next to me. We were three wide at the light. There was a guy in … Continue reading →