Author Archives: fncoffee

For as many flights as I’ve taken in the post-9/11 era, one might think that I’d be relatively comfortable with the TSA (which incidentally stands for Touching Scrotums Assiduously) process. You’d be wrong though. My process usually begins with packing … Continue reading →

  I just took Our dog to the vet for his shots and a routine “juicing” of his anus. The receipt showed $30 for “anal expression”. I wanted to say, “What kind of $30 expression did his anus make because … Continue reading →

I think we’re supposed to be getting one of those Menards hardware stores near us. This makes me anxious – but not in a good way. Some of you hate the word “moist” and others of you cringe at the … Continue reading →

The boys and I went to get haircuts this evening and I got stuck with the beauty operator who is, in my opinion, the least skilled of the 10 or so employees on the payroll. She’s not horrible but I … Continue reading →

I don’t mean to sound like an alarmist, but do we have a disaster plan in place for how to safely evacuate the legions of people who plan to stare at the sun with a pair of $4 paper sunglasses … Continue reading →

Steve Martin joked that he’d like to hire the person who is in charge of PR for the eclipse. If they weren’t available, I think the next best person might be the PR person for Yeti coolers. I don’t have … Continue reading →

Sitting in the gate area across from a thin man of approximately 50 years of age wearing a blazer and sporting that Michael McDonald-esque silvery feather cut. Resting upon his nose, were a pair of plastic black glasses that looked … Continue reading →