Author Archives: fncoffee
Dunk Tanks: Spreading Sexually Transmitted Diseases The Fun Way!
I have never been the dunkee in a dunk tank to this point in my life and would politely decline any such future offers unless 1) I’m guaranteed to be first to be dunked; 2) the water comes from a … Continue reading
My Handshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard
A firm handshake is critical. Go bone-crushing hard and you’re viewed as a maniac and probable domestic abuser. Go too soft and you’re a sissy, insincere or creepy. Firm is how it’s played. At the conclusion of a meeting yesterday, … Continue reading
A Well-Armed Militia and a Heavy Dose of Paranoia
This afternoon at lunch, I stopped by an Army surplus store with a colleague to pick up a couple of work trip souvenirs for my boys. The two of us were dressed in suits and driving a domestic sedan where … Continue reading
Simulated Stools For Comparative Flush Capability Purposes…It’s a Thing
I just bought a toilet from The Home Depot. The salesperson told me that it can flush a bucket of golf balls. There was another toilet that actually listed on the sign that it could flush a bucket of golf … Continue reading
Buck Two Ninety-Five
Immediately after doing my 4 year stint in the military, I worked as a VA work study student at the Florida Jobs & Benefits Center. Helping military veterans find jobs was fulfilling work and I really enjoyed my coworkers there. … Continue reading
Taking It “Level 2”
Yesterday, I dealt with the customer service representative of a company which has been paid to provide a service they have failed to provide. Upon realizing that my claim was true but without admitting it, the representative quickly shifted gears … Continue reading
“Fine.” – The Answer I Hope For
I made small talk with an acquaintance today who has been less than six months on a new job for a company that I’ve never worked for and have no inside familiarity with. The conversation went something like this: Me: … Continue reading
Delilah: My Strange Addiction
For many years now I have found myself driving at night in unfamiliar places listening to the radio – it comes with my job as a traveling auditor. Each time that the Delilah Show comes on, I can’t bring myself … Continue reading
“Can you feel it in your butt?”
Yesterday, while waiting in the school parking lot to pick up my oldest son, my youngest son and I were in the car playing with the air conditioned seats. I received a phone call on my work phone and simultaneously … Continue reading
The Bachelor, Now Available For Weird Cartoon/Human Romance on Nintendo DS
Hopefully the FBI maintains a list of the creeps (male and female) who would buy The Bachelor Video Game for Nintendo DS. I don’t think those people are fit to be on the loose with the rest of us. (If … Continue reading
Let Me Be Frank With You 